Success & Failure as bipolar teachers

Failure is the sum of  all my fears.  My fear of failure is one of the biggest things I've had to overcome in my ministry and it's something that has, at times, driven me to achieve things that perhaps otherwise I couldn't have done.  So, ironically, the fear of failure can be something that both inhibits me and something that also motivates me.  In my eight years serving on the foreign missions field, I can say that, despite many setbacks and small defeats, my ministry has been on the whole (and I humbly say this to the glory of God - certainly not to my own abilities & cleverness!) marked by more successes than failures.  However, success, like failure, also brings certain challenges.  The challenge of success, from what I've learned, is that it brings more responsibility.  And with more responsibility, of course, comes more pressure. With more pressure the probability of failure lurks and so success breeds failure which, properly handled, motivates toward more success... what a vicious circle!

What the Lord has been teaching me this year is to lay down my fear of failure and to even, at times, embrace it as a learning tool.  This is difficult because it goes against everything in me.  Missionaries almost never write about their failures to their supporters.  That's human nature, I guess, but honesty is, I would think, refreshing to people accumstomed to hearing reports of missionaries going from "glory to glory."  Let me confess here that 2011 for me has been a year of much failure.  Last spring I was called in to help a middle school and high school with their teacher training and  disciplinary policies.  The short version is that everything I tried to implement blew up in my face.  I was unable to win the support of the teachers or other staff members who all had their own ideas of how things should be managed.  Further, I was unable to sway the student population - something which surprised me - because usually I have very good rapport with students.  So after months of trying, I bowed out.  I failed.  Miserably. 

This is where and when the Lord began to minister to my wounded pride.  Embrace it, the Lord whispered, own it!  For me, embracing failure is like hugging a cactus but the reality, I was quick to learn, is that embracing failure is good medicine for the soul.  It left me with a dependency and a humility that success could never have brought.  It made me take myself less seriously.  So now I'm beginning the new academic year revising and refining my educational philosophies and practices.  Failure - though I have embraced you, you will not be a friend.  Though you have taught me, you will not be my sage.  And a word to success - I'm not going out of my way to impress you anymore.  Though you are still much preferred than failure, I have a greater Master to impress ...

Comments

[Nebraska Dave]

Gregg, I'm sorry to hear about you struggle with the school issue. No one likes to fail at a needed task. I do like you positive attitude about how to deal with failures.

I have Lyida, my youngest daughter, and Bradley, her 7 year old son, living with me now so I don't get to travel as much as I would like. It's a different life style when family lives with you.

I hope all is well with your health and your family's health.

[Gary Waldron]

Phillipians 4:13.. Bask in your failures

[Elliptical reviews]

No offense, but if there's a facebook like button, it'll be much easier for me to share.

[rc helicopter reviews]

Impressive blog! -Arron